Enough Already!

I'm so sick and tired of being the only one who sees what is going on with my mother in law and the only one to say anything about it.  I ask for help and she fumbles around with her words and makes up excuses as to why she can't help me.  I was always told that help will be given to those who ask, but I shouldn't have to make my fiance ask his mother to do something for him (instead of saying that it's helping me) just to get her to watch her own grandkids for a few hours.  I'm 24 years old with two kids under the age of 5 and I'm going to school (attempting to go full-time.)  There's the problem... How can I go to school full-time without a little bit of help?  She wanted grandkids so bad and now that she has them, she acts like she doesn't want to have anything to do with them.  Or maybe she's just using them to get back at me for some unknown (to myself) reason?  I have no idea what her problem is.  I just wish she would straighten up sometimes and help out without the bullshit excuses, dirty looks, and snide comments.  I can't be the only person in this world to stress out.  Why can't she go piss off her husband or something?  Sometimes I just wish karma would come around and knock her into her place.

Her latest snide remark was on her birthday.  I was on the computer at her house checking out the specs on a tablet that I want so badly.  It is one of those things where you can go to the page and stare at it for hours, without ever hitting the "ADD TO CART" button, you know?  Because you can't afford it.  LOL  She starts, "You shouldn't be looking at that.  You don't need any more computers.  You don't get anything done anyways because you're always on your phone or computer."  What am I supposed to do about school then?  Do you just want me to sit at home like a blob and do absolutely nothing my entire life?  My schooling is what will bring your son home from work one day.  Also, how am I supposed to contact MY FAMILY that lives 150+ miles away (some even as far away as the other side of the country).  That week, I went to my psychiatrist and bitched about how much I wanted to ask my mother in law what her excuse was for not getting anything done.  I didn't though, I bit my tongue.  Karma will come around one of these days... months... years... however long it takes.  It will come around.  I just have to keep biting my tongue until then to wait for the moment.

Speaking of karma... God, I just love karma.  Our son was born almost 13 months ago.  5 days after our son was born, the private ownership of the Napa franchise my fiance worked for, fired my fiance because they didn't like him.  In the previous months, they had also ruined the careers of several other employees who were close friends, simply because the owners were cleaning house and had no idea how to run an automotive parts business to begin with.  I found out that a few weeks ago, those same private owners got the shit end of the stick from their partner, who also screwed them out of a $90 million deal through the other LLC they were in on, and were forced to sell the two Napa stores out to another Napa franchisee, Beamon & Johnson.  Wow, if that isn't karma, I don't know what is.  When I found out, I laughed so hard that I started crying (God knows, I almost pissed myself with laughter.)

Karma finds those who deserve it and God doesn't put on our plates any more than he knows we can handle.  I guess those are just some of the lessons I have to remember over the years.

All I can say is that, I love my fiance.  No matter what happens between his mother and I, it will not break us apart.  Let's just hope she doesn't try to wear white on our wedding day...
o_O

It feels like its been ages...

So, I haven't been up here in a while.  I have one follower (haha).  Hi Aunt Bobbie!

Its definitely been a while.

So, I'm engaged.
I'm 12 credit hours from achieving Junior status at my university.
I've got 2 kids.
I've got a house to start remodeling (well, start drafting a remodel).
I'm bored out of my gourd.

Honestly, I'm not even sure I know what to write at this very moment.  I put my rant up on my other blog.  I guess I could start with a little something about my family.

So I got into genealogy this past week.  Paid for 6 months of Ancestry.com and everything.  The only problem is, I've started a few trees and I've gotten pretty far with my dad's side of the family and my mom's adopted family, but I have no information on my biological family other than a few birthdays.  I really would like to track the family back, but I don't even know if mom knows who her biological father is.  I've asked several times and she told me that she tried to contact him, but the problem is, she won't tell me what his name is.  She never has.  Its supposedly been YEARS and I have no idea.  Maybe he's a good guy (we can only hope) and maybe he's like the rest of (most) men around here (a sperm donor.)  Who knows?  I can't pass judgement on someone I don't know anything about.  I used to, but its not in my nature anymore.  I've grown up past that.  Besides, someone who may be considered nice by one, may be considered an ass by another.  Its all in impressions and how you take to someone's "sense of humor"... or in some cases, lack thereof.

Wisdom comes, not from age, but from experience.  Well, I guess I've experienced a ton of shit to make it where I am today.  I've been told that I look at things from a completely different perspective from others my age.  I tend to follow all aspects of a conversation or debate, rather than focusing on one side, unless I undoubtedly believe that one side is correct.  I can still see where others can base their arguments. I am to the point where I can even acknowledge my mistakes (if I feel like I want to) or just let them go.  Sometimes I wonder if my memory has become a thing of the past.  I can't always remember things, so if I get them wrong, I usually just shrug them off or admit openly that I'm wrong (most of the time I shrug them off without saying anything.) LOL

Damn, I'm out of Mountain Dew... this sucks.  Well, I guess this blog is best left to another night.  I might just crash here on this nice leather couch I call my own.  Cheers!

Loopy

I have so much going on in my mind right now that I can't keep my thoughts straight.  I don't know if I can handle another 8 weeks of school before taking a break.  I'm frustrated right now.  I can't keep up with my work.  I can't even concentrate on my work for 5 minutes, let alone, concentrate on trying to get this house clean.  I'm beyond exhausted with myself and I need a break, but if I walked away for one day, this whole house would fall to pieces and David would probably pull what's left of his hair out.  LOL  This is ridiculous!  All I want is a relaxing day to myself.  I want a spa day... No, I NEED a spa day.  I keep putting it off because we need the money for other things, but I'm about to lose my mind... and that will cost more money in the long run if I do lose it!

Nadia was sitting on the pot this morning, yelling for me to wipe her butt.  The baby was in his playpen screaming to get out.  The tv was blaring cartoons and all I could do was sit there with my hands over my ears for five minutes just trying to get my head straight so I could stop everything...

Then it clicked...

1) Turn the tv off
2) Binky for the baby
3) wipe Nadia's butt
4) make a bottle
5) feed baby
6) Nadia snack
7) Nadia for a nap
8) David for a nap
9) Pick up toys
10) DONE

Something so simple just couldn't find its way out until first finding peace and quiet.

RAWR

I'm so fucking frustrated right now that I don't even know what to do.  My mind is going in all sorts of directions and I've had a 3 hour delay because DAVE wanted to work on the electrical and knocked out the power to the cable box, which bumped our Internet.  He effin knew I had to work on exam stuff today!  GRRR!!! It makes me so MAD when he doesn't listen to me!!!  I told him last night that I was afraid he was going to do something to bump out the Internet and he continued messing with the electrical anyways.  The problem is, he knew the risk of doing that because the electrical wiring in this house is all wonky anyways.  Some jackass wannabe home electrician made this house a pure fire hazard before we moved here.  Its ridiculous!  But Dave knew that the electrical was screwed up and he knew he was going to have to keep flipping breakers to figure out which one he needed off and that if he kept flipping the wrong ones, it would reset all our electronic devices.  Okay, I really don't give a crap about the DVR... Problem is, the DVR is linked to our only source for Internet on the desktop.  Without the DVR active, the broadband connection won't work properly.  Router works for LAN, but Internet access won't... the network connections are only local within the house.  So... fuck.  I'm stuck here 3 hours later and every thing is FINALLY back up, but I got mad and TRIED to go for a walk to cool off, but SOMEBODY had to piss me off even more by following me down the street and burning rubber in the van because I wouldn't get in.  Okay, genius, you're showing your ass to the neighbors that live on the street behind us.  THEY ARE STILL NEIGHBORS.

So now I'm pissed because he went out and showed his ass to the neighbors while I was trying to cool off and take a much needed walk.  By showing his ass and following me around, he only upset me even more.  WTF is it with men who don't know what the fuck "LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU'RE JUST MAKING THINGS WORSE" means?  Really?