Bummed

I don't want anyone to come out and call me a sore loser, so before I tell you what I'm bummed over, I'm going to explain what led me to this point.

A year and 4 months ago, I was hired by a company as a call center representative answering incoming phone calls and assisting people in making their annual enrollment elections as part of an outsourced human resources division.  I loved my job, I was competitive in my job, yet I was pushed aside for a permanent position because the person I was competing with was bilingual.  Two weeks after getting laid off, they brought me back for another two months while one of the permanent people was out on maternity leave.  I was excited to be given a second chance to show them what I could do.  Two months after being brought back, I was laid off again.  At this point, I was told that another position (possibly permanent) would open up in the next few weeks.  The following week, I interviewed with a pizza place as a delivery driver while waiting for the position to open back up.  The pizza place I worked for forced sick employees to come to work and I started to lose my voice.  After getting sick on one of my delivery runs, I went back in to the store to tell the on-duty manager.  I was fussed at and told to leave but not to come back without a note from a doctor.  I went straight to urgent care and get this (IT WAS VALENTINE'S DAY) was diagnosed with flu and strep AT THE SAME TIME.  I was given a note to stay out of work for three weeks since I worked in the food industry.  I recovered, but then my kids brought home a stomach virus.  I was forced to quit my job.  In the mean time, while I was weak, puking everywhere, and bedridden, the position I was waiting for passed me by.  When I tried to file for unemployment, I was denied for lack of work experience.

A month after I recover, I go to visit with my family in North Carolina, only for my only mode of transportation (a van) to quit on us 200 miles from home... ON MY 26TH BIRTHDAY.  Having to borrow money because we don't have it to rent a car and given the runaround by several rental companies that they don't have a car available when my daughter has to be to school on Monday morning.  I have the car a week, pay family back with my pell grant refund from school, and have to turn the rental back in.  I go another month and a half depending on others for a vehicle because I don't have one.

In the mean time, my fiance and I talk about having someone move in to help watch the kids while I search for work and we decide to buy a used car.  I suggested that an ex of mine (12 years ago we dated for a few months but have since been nothing but friends because things didn't work out) move in with us and live in the spare room.  He's an ex-Army veteran and was currently homeless.  It would give him a place to sleep and we would have someone to help out while he was in the process of starting over and establishing himself.  He moved in the same day we bought my car.

Fast forward 6 months after getting laid off (one month after buying the car) and open enrollment hiring starts again.  I interview, get offered a position on the spot, and start in August of 2015.  Two and a half months in, I was promised a position on another team (A PERMANENT POSITION!) Imagine how excited I was to find out.  Two weeks later, the other two people offered positions beside me get laid off and I'm the only one left.  The team that was supposed to hire us rescinds the offer.  The project ends and I get laid off again after three more months of working there.

I keep being told by people that it means something that I was one of the last people left for both projects I worked at that company, but it doesn't really mean anything to me because I currently have nothing to show for it.  I love what I did there because I felt like I was helping people every single day just by taking their phone calls and assisting them with their employment/retirement benefits.  I even started contributing to a 401(k) while I was there in hopes that I would reach my service hours to be considered for 1 full service year (1,000 hours worked).  I never made it to 1,000 hours.

I filed for unemployment, they used my information from my first round at the company and the pizza place in between.  Four weeks after filing, my fiance's grandmother passes away six days after seeing her at Christmas (on New Year's Eve).  We were all devastated because it happened so fast.  I had only applied for one work contact out of a required two contacts that week due to the stress and my work search slipping my mind.  Because of that, the Virginia Employment Commission placed my unemployment completely on hold for FIVE WEEKS while they "investigate" the situation.  I literally called them over 2,000 times in that time period trying to get someone to light a fire under someone's ass to pay my benefits.  In the mean time, I was once again forced to borrow money to pay my bills...  SIMPLY because we had a death in the family and I missed one work search contact for one week (the week she passed away.)

Some people in my family were nice enough to buy us groceries that month and put gas in my car to pick my daughter up from school because our roommate (my ex) had a nervous breakdown and threatened to kill himself the day after Christmas and got kicked out a few days before my fiance's grandmother passed.  I had no money, no babysitter, no help, nothing.

In the mean time, my best friend of almost 17 years accuses me of being toxic and negative.  Hang on a second,  HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT THE HELL I'VE BEEN THROUGH OVER THE PAST YEAR AND A HALF?????!!!?!?!?!??!!!!!  On top of everything that is already going on, I have plenty of medical conditions.  Let's just put it this way, my list of medical conditions is enough for a primary care physician to walk away and refuse to see me.  The only thing I'm missing to apply for disability is a walker, cane, or wheelchair.  The problem is, no PCP wants to see me to at least get me to that point.  When I do reach out for help from a PCP, I get told I'm being sent for a psych eval just because I'm having an asthma attack and can't breathe and I'm begging for help which noone is giving me.  I wasn't being given a breathing treatment, instead, the PCP sat there in the office and yelled at me, saying that I was faking it for attention.  I only got a breathing treatment because I threatened her with a lawsuit if she didn't treat me.

So, needless to say, I've been through a lot of shit over the past year and a half.  In the past month alone, I've lost two good friends: one friend of 17 years and another friend of 12 years because he's ignored my messages since I had to kick him out.  I couldn't have him threaten his life in front of my kids and he wouldn't do anything to help himself while he was here.  These friends were the only REALLY GOOD friends that I had outside of the relationship with my fiance.

Imagine my surprise when I found out my home team (the Carolina Panthers) was heading to Super Bowl 50.  I was excited, because they've had such a great season so far and was hoping that things would look up, that I could get a smile from them winning.  Instead, the game tonight was filled with crappy calls from refs, unflagged OBVIOUS fuckups, point shaving, and a completely rigged game so that Peyton Manning could get his #200 before retiring.  For Christ's sake, Newton stepped away from a ball he could have jumped on and reclaimed for the team.  Instead, he steps away like it's some albatross or something.  It was the worst game I had EVER seen played in my entire 26 year existence.

You're thinking, "yeah, she's only saying that because of how frustrated she is right now."  NO, that game really did S-U-C-K.  I think a rabbit that had just gotten plastered by an 18-wheeler could have ran a better game than that.

You know, I'm realizing the only difference between those depressed and suicidal and regular people is the fact that regular people still have hope for the world and depressed people realize that we're all just f***ed in the long run, so it doesn't really matter.  That's the only thing that defines the line between normal and suicidal people.  For some reason, I've been accused of being suicidal in the past few months.  Believe me, I wouldn't still be here if I was suicidal.  That's completely stupid.  I'm willing to admit that the world sucks, my luck with finding work sucks, and people generally suck, but it doesn't mean I'm going to off myself because of it.  That's just plain dumb.  Sending someone for a psych eval just because you haven't experienced these crappy circumstances isn't going to do anything but waste that person's money and put them in a worse situation than they're already in.  You might as well be responsible for putting that person over the edge.  If someone isn't threatening the lives of themselves or others, they are perfectly fine to dwell in their own shitty luck.

PS - Don't tell me my inability to find a job is because of my attitude.  I have a pretty dang good attitude.  You try competing for a job when there are 300-600 other applicants applying for the same position you are.  There's less than 1% chance of being hired.  Even worse when everyone else is more qualified than you.  You might as well just drop out of the competition altogether.  Nowhere is hiring right now.  It isn't being overly dramatic, it's the truth.  If you're looking for anything better than minimum wage flipping burgers, they aren't hiring.  I can't do food service again because of my medical conditions but I can't get a doctor to see me to prove that to the Social Security Office or to the Virginia Employment Commission.

Guess on that note, I'm just going to lay down and try to sleep through my physical pain because no doctor wants to prescribe anything to me or take me seriously.  When you have a rare genetic disorder like Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, life tends to suck like that.... but you know, whatever, I'm just SOOOOO NEGATIVE about things when I'm speaking the truth.  :)

Grown Ups

I'm never going to be the type of person everyone else wants me to be.  I don't want to be the type of person everyone else wants me to to be.  I was told earlier this week that I was a toxic person because I am always so negative.  This came from someone who I considered my best friend, sister, and the woman that was supposed to be my maid of honor (past tense, of course.)  I'm done.  I can't take advice from someone who's never taken on an ounce of responsiblity in her life and actually taken it seriously... 

...A person that calls herself a sister to me, but is always too busy to answer the phone or call me back...
...A person that calls herself a sister but cancels our solid plans to go out with someone she just met on a dating app...
...A person who tells me to shut up after trying to warn her about the dangers of online and/or phone app dating...
...A person who doesn't seem to give a flying fuck one way or another what actually happens to her so-called "sister"...
...A certain "sister" who never visited me any of the times I was in the hospital...
...Someone who accuses me of trying to hook her up all of the time when I said months before that I wasn't and never tried after that...
...Someone who never trusted me to begin with...
...Yet I trusted her...

I cried, yes... I fucking cried. 17 years of friendship down the drain because I was too blind to see how she really felt about me... The exact same way she felt about everyone else she treated like a BFF and then pushed away by talking shit behind their backs and/or ignoring.  I was blinded by the fact that I may actually have had a really good friend.  But I was a bad judge of character, just like I always am.  I've lost so many people that I really cared about in life because I've been a bad judge of character.  Some of my best friends weren't actually good for me and that's okay.

I wanted to drink tonight.  I wanted to sit down and get wasted, but I walked into the kitchen with my tablet while I was searching for jobs online.  I set my tablet down on our cluttered kitchen table and walked over to the cabinet.  I pulled out one of my fiance's Family Guy shot glasses and didn't even bother to study it as I reached up for the bottle of Fireball.  Pouring a shot, I twisted the cap back on, snatched up the shot glass and threw it on back.  I looked back at the bottle, set it back on the shelf, and put the shot glass in the sink.  That was it.

It wasn't until later tonight as I was sitting in bed, that I realized how much I had grown up just in that action.  I could have emptied that bottle of Fireball tonight.  I'm 26 years old and still in my prime, but instead, I took one single shot and put it away.  Why?  Because I realized that people aren't worth ruining your life or your health over.  People do stupid stuff every single day and it isn't worth drinking your life away over it.

I came to the realization that I lost my maid of honor this week and I really couldn't give a damn less.  It isn't the first loss I've had in my life and it won't be the last.  Disappointment is everywhere and you just have to learn how to get over it.  That's a part of life that many people never get through.  I feel proud of myself tonight.

I could have reacted so many ways this week.  There were some things that were said at the supper table tonight when my in-laws and my family went out for pizza.  I wanted to open my mouth and say something to my mother in-law again, but decided it wasn't worth my time.  Instead, I excused myself from the table and walked out the door.  I walked across the street and went shopping at the Dollar Tree for things we needed at the house while everyone else finished supper.  Did I say something to my fiance about it later?  Yes, in the privacy of our own home instead of embarrassing my MIL in a place she frequents (3-5 days a week she eats at this one restaurant.)  Why?  Because it just wasn't worth it.  If I learn to ignore her, she makes herself look like an ass in front of everyone without any help and that is enough satisfaction for me at this point.

We've been fine for the past few months.  My sis in-law got married in June and moved to California with her husband.  I guess my MIL was looking for someone to lean on, like a daughter replacement.  Well, we had a death in the family on New Year's Eve and my sis in-law flew in from Cali the next week... and has yet to go back to Cali.  She's supposedly leaving this week, but as long as she's been here, I've been ignored and treated like crap again.  It also pisses me off that my sis in-law is making my kids call her crappy hubby their "Uncle Josh".  I looked at her the other day and said, "You may be their aunt, but that piece of trash will never be their uncle."  Her best friend who was there at the time about fell out in the floor laughing.  I left it at that.  Don't force my kids to associate with someone who treated you like crap, just because you married him.  He's not setting any type of example for them and I don't want to have anything to do with him to begin with because of how horrible he was to her in the past.

I've got a lot on my mind and it felt good just to get it down in my blog tonight.  Maybe I will try to post more in the next few months.

Terri Elliott and How It All Started

Terri Elliott is so consumed in ruining my life that she threw her own son under the bus yesterday at her daughter's wedding to a man that had openly cheated on her daughter four times already.  She's so consumed with nastiness and vengeance on people that she would rather see her own children miserable than see them with someone that could actually make them happy.  Yesterday, Kristen got married and David and I found out that their mother (Terri) has been talking badly about us to Kristen's new in-laws because we took their cell phones away AFTER THEY BOTH DISRESPECTED US and had been refusing to watch her own grandchildren or have anything to do with them because it was always "TOO INCONVENIENT" for her.  WE PAID FOR THAT CELL PHONE and WE PAID THE BILL FOR IT and NO WE AREN'T MARRIED.  SO WHAT? WE LOVE EACH OTHER, BUT APPARENTLY THAT ISN'T ENOUGH FOR HER!!!!!  She went off and told our business to the entire world, lying in the process to make us look bad, and spoke badly of her own son who works his ass off to take care of his family and his fiance (me) simply because she's having a menopausal rampage and midlife crisis.

Please everyone, listen to my story.  My name is Christina Waters.  I am 26 years old and have been in love with David for almost SIX YEARS NOW.  I gave up my whole life in North Carolina, everything I knew, to be with him and start a family... and he took my daughter in as his own, no questions asked.  I started going back to school for my bachelor's degree in 2012, shortly before giving birth to our son.  I tried to be close with his family because I've always known that David and I shared a connection like no one else could.

The problems started when I was pregnant with our son and while we were on the hunt for our first house together.  We just finished a bad lease with a horrible landlord and needed somewhere to stay while the bank paperwork was getting straightened out with a house we were interested in.  We moved in with his parents (MISTAKE #1.)

I tried to tell David that his mother kept falling asleep and leaving me to watch the kids she was paid to watch, yet she would throw a fit when I was sick and needed her to watch our daughter while I layed down.  Nobody listened.  She started going in our room when we were away... Packing my things and our daughter's things up in boxes, yet leaving David's things alone... using the excuse "I only wanted to help!" Then making everyone mad at me when I had a complaint about anything she did.

Then one day, she had a nervous breakdown and called her sister to come beat me up because I verbally snapped at her for speaking badly to me (I was already stressed from the subtle bullying she had already started and the fact that we were trying to hide the fact I was pregnant to make a family announcement out of it.)  Her mentally ill sister cornered my (then) two year old daughter and I on the bed in our room.  The only thing standing between my daughter and Terri's sister, was me with an air rifle in my arms.  My daughter was so scared that she was screaming and had peed so much that it went through her diaper onto the bed behind me.  My clothes reeked of urine for the rest of the day as I panicked and started packing more of our things up as quickly as I could.  I had to get out of there.  We spent the rest of the day locked in the bedroom while I waited for my mother to pick us up and take us back to North Carolina that night.

When my mother arrived, Terri threw a big dramatic crying fit and started saying that she blamed herself.  Everyone was hugging all over her and glaring at me as my mother, daughter, and I walked out the front door with our bags and boxes in hand.  At the time, the only one who could see through her bullshit was my own mother.

Later on, I found out that Terri went through our mail while we were gone and read all of my journals that were still there packed away at her house.  She blamed our issues on my "raging pregnant hormones."  Yet, she found out from my letters and journal entries that I was pregnant, and then proceeded to tell the entire family without our permission.  She blew up the announcement I wanted to make and ruined everything.

As if that was bad enough, she wouldn't even throw us a baby shower.  I was reduced to starting a registry online and hoping that my family would send something to us because she refused to share our registry information with David's side of the family.  With luck, my great aunt sent a nursing pillow and a few other things we desperately needed.  My insurance came through and paid for a brand new breast pump and I recycled my daughter's old crib to use as our son's crib.

All of this was going on as we were moving into a new house and trying to fix electrical issues, plumbing issues, tearing up carpet, etc...

Things only got worse.  While pregnant with my son, I was sent to genetic counseling and diagnosed with a rare genetic connective tissue disorder called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.  My type is hypermobility, which is the only type matching up to my medical history of numerous dislocations and subluxes with the early onset of a (really nasty and severe) form of osteoarthritis and spinal issues.  Terri began bullying me based off of that.  I was forced to seek the help of a therapist.  In the mean time, Terri began telling everyone that I was taking pills all of the time (I heard it directly through other people she had told.)

After having my son, I saw the therapist more often because my daughter was coming home with unexplained bruises and I couldn't talk to anyone about what I was seeing because nobody else saw it as being that.  It took a few months after my son was born... I had Terri watch the kids so that I could finish my final exam for a networking course and I got the phone call.  My daughter's hand had been "accidentally" slammed in the van door while they were getting ready to go somewhere.  I threw a fit because I knew it wasn't an accident.  She purposely didn't put my daughter in her car seat and my daughter admitted later that day that Terri hadn't been putting her seat belt on her at all when they were going places.  If she had been in her car seat, where she was supposed to be before the door shut, her hand would not have been in or near the door to begin with.

I would invite the whole family over to eat spaghetti and Terri would bring her own food, complaining that I made spaghetti spicy, or she wouldn't eat it at all.  I tried to be nice because I knew she didn't like to cook, so I would cook for them.  David's dad had no issues with me cooking and always seemed appreciative because they never had to go out to eat EVERY SINGLE DAY.  Then I would get phone calls the next day about how she had a gout attack and she was in so much pain... well, she shouldn't have eaten seafood before coming to my house and should have not thrown a childish fit over not being able to go out to eat.

Sometime later, she began the personal attacks again.  It started one thing after another.  She would go out to eat and tell the people at these places where she was a regular how "lazy I was" or how "much medicine I was taking" or that I was "on drugs."  I began getting dirty looks and wondered why until one of the waitresses at the Cracker Barrel nearby pulled me aside one day as I was headed to the ladies room.  So I started pushing back.  I told the waitress to tell her coworkers that she doesn't like doing dishes, she doesn't know how to cook, and she always eats out because she doesn't know any better and blames her issues on everyone else.  Of course, I get attacked verbally and directly through Terri and she tells her son and her husband.  I'm seen as the bad person because I pushed back defending myself when nothing I said was anywhere near as bad as the things she spoke of me.

I've been seeing a psychologist for a little over two years now.  Since then, Terri has spoken so many other nasty things about me.  David and I make it a point to make decisions together, so when his sister announced she was getting married (less than two months before she actually tied the knot), we decided to drop her off our cell phone plan.  She's a big girl, she's 19 and she's out of school.  She can get a job and pay for her own phone or have her husband do it.

We wanted to take the phone back because we weren't done paying it off yet and we were going to cut off service and sell it to offset costs.  I had told Terri beforehand that we wanted Kristen's phone, why we wanted it, and that it was going to get cut off.  Instead, I get screamed at by her saying how it "isn't fair" that we are taking Kristen's phone.  Well, Kristen is an adult, she doesn't pay for her phone, she doesn't do anything in return for her phone, so we are doing nothing but enabling her.  If she's getting married, she can get on her husband's plan.  Terri fussed at me over the phone about it and I emphasized that we would be at her house to pick the phone up at 5:50 p.m. that evening.  Terri said that she would be there.

After hanging up the phone with Terri, she called David to try and overstep me, knowing that we make decisions together.  He told her the same thing that I did and the exact same time that we would be there to get it.  When we got there at 5:50, she had packed everyone up in the van and left the house (phones and all).  Get this, we paid for Terri's phone for FOUR WHOLE YEARS without any help from her.  So, we decided to cut both of them off, Terri and Kristen.  If they both wanted to be disrespectful to us and our relationship, we were going to cut them both off and sell both of the phones to offset the cost.

Yet, I'm such a bad person?

Let me go back to the "drug abuse" claim that she threw at me and told everyone under the sun.  I take medications, YES.
Here's my list of medications and reasons for taking them:

Women's multivite - It's healthy for me.
1000 mg Vitamin C - I have sinus and allergy issues and like to stay on top of my immune system.
Magnesium 500mg - I have migraines and this supplement reduces the amount and severity.
Lexapro 20mg - I have depression due to a long history of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and a dysfunctional family growing up.
Imitrex 100mg - As needed for migraines (I only take once or twice a month now.)
Cranberry pills - To help with urinary health (really? do I have to explain that?!?!?!!)
Celebrex 400mg daily, recently reduced to 200mg daily due to finding other pain management solutions - I have severe osteoarthritis in my knees, hips, lower back, shoulders, hands, and elbows (NO CARTILAGE AT ALL IN ONE ELBOW).
QVAR 40mcg Inhaler - I have asthma, this is my daily inhaler.
ProAir HFA Inhaler - Emergency Asthma Inhaler.
Zyrtec 20mg daily - Because I have such severe asthma and allergy issues.

and now, recently, I have taken Norco 5-325mg because I had a tooth who's filling fell out and fell apart on me (VERY PAINFUL), yet I disposed of what was left of the bottle after the doctor pulled the tooth and I recovered.  No, I did not use it all.  I never have and never will have a drug problem, because I have seen what drugs can do to people and their families...  I'M NOT STUPID.

She goes and tells people that I'm lazy and fat.  Well, I'm overweight because I can't exercise but so much.  No, I don't always eat healthy, but I have been on a HIGH salt diet since high school to keep from having drop attacks when my blood pressure drops (it drops when I stand up), part of having tachycardia, orthostatic hypotension, and Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome diagnoses... all genetic and related to my Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.  My own health insurance company is pushing to help me get disability, yet my future mother in-law calls me fat and lazy to everyone she knows.

I would rather be overweight and deal with it, than fall out in the floor every 5 minutes simply because I stood up and my blood pressure dropped instantaneously.  A lot of my weight is due to water retention on a high salt diet.  My body gains a LOT of water weight.  If I was to take any form of women's birth control supplements or shots right now, I would gain 60 pounds JUST in water weight in less than three months.  I did it before, and it took a toll on me, but I didn't look nearly as heavy as I was and I don't look nearly as heavy as I am now.  I am 5 feet 7 inches tall and I weigh 230 pounds.  Who the hell cares? It's not her damn body, it's mine, and her son loves me the way I am!

I can only take so much verbal and emotional abuse and bullying before I break.  I'm no different than her son or anyone else.  David came home at lunch time crying this afternoon because of what his mother did yesterday.  She purposely talked trash to everyone who was attending the wedding and then invited us, putting us right in front of a theoretical firing squad.  The only thing I could say to him after so long of dealing with it (because I knew she would eventually take it out on him), was "JOIN THE DAMN CLUB" and I hugged him.  But I knew better than that and he didn't think she was capable of doing something so heartless, until he walked in on it.  I was just as nice as could be at the wedding reception yesterday and it pissed her off more than anything.  I never realized how horrible she really could get, until she utilized her own daughter's wedding to get back at me (the mother of her only grandchildren) and threw her own 30 year old son under the bus with me in the process.  I CALL SPEED BUMP!!!

Women like Terri Elliott are the reason people commit suicide all of the time.
Terri Elliott is a BULLY.

MY REASON TO LIVE IS FOR MY KIDS, MY FIANCE, MY FAMILY.

HER REASON TO LIVE IS TO MAKE EVERYONE MORE MISERABLE THAN HERSELF.

I used to think it was a control thing, but after this weekend... I honestly think that I now know the definition of a bully... HER.

This just sums up what she has done to tear her own family (and ours'!) apart.  There will be more to come, because we have yet to go into a thorough investigation into everything on my side of the story.

The point is, I shouldn't have to explain myself to everyone.  People shouldn't be such spiteful assholes all of the time, but I also shouldn't have to put up with them being that way either when they are.  I am explaining myself.  I am defending myself.  I don't care if it makes her look bad anymore or makes me look bad, or anyone else.  I'm doing this because it is therapeutic... to get things off of my shoulders.

I grew up in a part of North Carolina where if you didn't tell the truth, people were going to find out eventually anyways.  I have nothing to hide about my "personal" life because it isn't personal anymore, especially after his mother told everyone everything anyways.  It doesn't matter, but I'm not having her get away with it without a fight.  I will go on and tell my side of the story and how I survived this FUTURE MONSTER IN-LAW of mine... and I will LOVE and LIVE and PLAY and LEARN just as much as my children do every single day, because I can and Terri Elliott can't make me do otherwise.

I love you David, always and forever. We will get through this together.  XOXO

Enough Already!

I'm so sick and tired of being the only one who sees what is going on with my mother in law and the only one to say anything about it.  I ask for help and she fumbles around with her words and makes up excuses as to why she can't help me.  I was always told that help will be given to those who ask, but I shouldn't have to make my fiance ask his mother to do something for him (instead of saying that it's helping me) just to get her to watch her own grandkids for a few hours.  I'm 24 years old with two kids under the age of 5 and I'm going to school (attempting to go full-time.)  There's the problem... How can I go to school full-time without a little bit of help?  She wanted grandkids so bad and now that she has them, she acts like she doesn't want to have anything to do with them.  Or maybe she's just using them to get back at me for some unknown (to myself) reason?  I have no idea what her problem is.  I just wish she would straighten up sometimes and help out without the bullshit excuses, dirty looks, and snide comments.  I can't be the only person in this world to stress out.  Why can't she go piss off her husband or something?  Sometimes I just wish karma would come around and knock her into her place.

Her latest snide remark was on her birthday.  I was on the computer at her house checking out the specs on a tablet that I want so badly.  It is one of those things where you can go to the page and stare at it for hours, without ever hitting the "ADD TO CART" button, you know?  Because you can't afford it.  LOL  She starts, "You shouldn't be looking at that.  You don't need any more computers.  You don't get anything done anyways because you're always on your phone or computer."  What am I supposed to do about school then?  Do you just want me to sit at home like a blob and do absolutely nothing my entire life?  My schooling is what will bring your son home from work one day.  Also, how am I supposed to contact MY FAMILY that lives 150+ miles away (some even as far away as the other side of the country).  That week, I went to my psychiatrist and bitched about how much I wanted to ask my mother in law what her excuse was for not getting anything done.  I didn't though, I bit my tongue.  Karma will come around one of these days... months... years... however long it takes.  It will come around.  I just have to keep biting my tongue until then to wait for the moment.

Speaking of karma... God, I just love karma.  Our son was born almost 13 months ago.  5 days after our son was born, the private ownership of the Napa franchise my fiance worked for, fired my fiance because they didn't like him.  In the previous months, they had also ruined the careers of several other employees who were close friends, simply because the owners were cleaning house and had no idea how to run an automotive parts business to begin with.  I found out that a few weeks ago, those same private owners got the shit end of the stick from their partner, who also screwed them out of a $90 million deal through the other LLC they were in on, and were forced to sell the two Napa stores out to another Napa franchisee, Beamon & Johnson.  Wow, if that isn't karma, I don't know what is.  When I found out, I laughed so hard that I started crying (God knows, I almost pissed myself with laughter.)

Karma finds those who deserve it and God doesn't put on our plates any more than he knows we can handle.  I guess those are just some of the lessons I have to remember over the years.

All I can say is that, I love my fiance.  No matter what happens between his mother and I, it will not break us apart.  Let's just hope she doesn't try to wear white on our wedding day...
o_O

It feels like its been ages...

So, I haven't been up here in a while.  I have one follower (haha).  Hi Aunt Bobbie!

Its definitely been a while.

So, I'm engaged.
I'm 12 credit hours from achieving Junior status at my university.
I've got 2 kids.
I've got a house to start remodeling (well, start drafting a remodel).
I'm bored out of my gourd.

Honestly, I'm not even sure I know what to write at this very moment.  I put my rant up on my other blog.  I guess I could start with a little something about my family.

So I got into genealogy this past week.  Paid for 6 months of Ancestry.com and everything.  The only problem is, I've started a few trees and I've gotten pretty far with my dad's side of the family and my mom's adopted family, but I have no information on my biological family other than a few birthdays.  I really would like to track the family back, but I don't even know if mom knows who her biological father is.  I've asked several times and she told me that she tried to contact him, but the problem is, she won't tell me what his name is.  She never has.  Its supposedly been YEARS and I have no idea.  Maybe he's a good guy (we can only hope) and maybe he's like the rest of (most) men around here (a sperm donor.)  Who knows?  I can't pass judgement on someone I don't know anything about.  I used to, but its not in my nature anymore.  I've grown up past that.  Besides, someone who may be considered nice by one, may be considered an ass by another.  Its all in impressions and how you take to someone's "sense of humor"... or in some cases, lack thereof.

Wisdom comes, not from age, but from experience.  Well, I guess I've experienced a ton of shit to make it where I am today.  I've been told that I look at things from a completely different perspective from others my age.  I tend to follow all aspects of a conversation or debate, rather than focusing on one side, unless I undoubtedly believe that one side is correct.  I can still see where others can base their arguments. I am to the point where I can even acknowledge my mistakes (if I feel like I want to) or just let them go.  Sometimes I wonder if my memory has become a thing of the past.  I can't always remember things, so if I get them wrong, I usually just shrug them off or admit openly that I'm wrong (most of the time I shrug them off without saying anything.) LOL

Damn, I'm out of Mountain Dew... this sucks.  Well, I guess this blog is best left to another night.  I might just crash here on this nice leather couch I call my own.  Cheers!

Loopy

I have so much going on in my mind right now that I can't keep my thoughts straight.  I don't know if I can handle another 8 weeks of school before taking a break.  I'm frustrated right now.  I can't keep up with my work.  I can't even concentrate on my work for 5 minutes, let alone, concentrate on trying to get this house clean.  I'm beyond exhausted with myself and I need a break, but if I walked away for one day, this whole house would fall to pieces and David would probably pull what's left of his hair out.  LOL  This is ridiculous!  All I want is a relaxing day to myself.  I want a spa day... No, I NEED a spa day.  I keep putting it off because we need the money for other things, but I'm about to lose my mind... and that will cost more money in the long run if I do lose it!

Nadia was sitting on the pot this morning, yelling for me to wipe her butt.  The baby was in his playpen screaming to get out.  The tv was blaring cartoons and all I could do was sit there with my hands over my ears for five minutes just trying to get my head straight so I could stop everything...

Then it clicked...

1) Turn the tv off
2) Binky for the baby
3) wipe Nadia's butt
4) make a bottle
5) feed baby
6) Nadia snack
7) Nadia for a nap
8) David for a nap
9) Pick up toys
10) DONE

Something so simple just couldn't find its way out until first finding peace and quiet.

RAWR

I'm so fucking frustrated right now that I don't even know what to do.  My mind is going in all sorts of directions and I've had a 3 hour delay because DAVE wanted to work on the electrical and knocked out the power to the cable box, which bumped our Internet.  He effin knew I had to work on exam stuff today!  GRRR!!! It makes me so MAD when he doesn't listen to me!!!  I told him last night that I was afraid he was going to do something to bump out the Internet and he continued messing with the electrical anyways.  The problem is, he knew the risk of doing that because the electrical wiring in this house is all wonky anyways.  Some jackass wannabe home electrician made this house a pure fire hazard before we moved here.  Its ridiculous!  But Dave knew that the electrical was screwed up and he knew he was going to have to keep flipping breakers to figure out which one he needed off and that if he kept flipping the wrong ones, it would reset all our electronic devices.  Okay, I really don't give a crap about the DVR... Problem is, the DVR is linked to our only source for Internet on the desktop.  Without the DVR active, the broadband connection won't work properly.  Router works for LAN, but Internet access won't... the network connections are only local within the house.  So... fuck.  I'm stuck here 3 hours later and every thing is FINALLY back up, but I got mad and TRIED to go for a walk to cool off, but SOMEBODY had to piss me off even more by following me down the street and burning rubber in the van because I wouldn't get in.  Okay, genius, you're showing your ass to the neighbors that live on the street behind us.  THEY ARE STILL NEIGHBORS.

So now I'm pissed because he went out and showed his ass to the neighbors while I was trying to cool off and take a much needed walk.  By showing his ass and following me around, he only upset me even more.  WTF is it with men who don't know what the fuck "LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU'RE JUST MAKING THINGS WORSE" means?  Really?