Black THURSDAY?

WTF? yes, last night was when all the stores opened up. some stores even stayed open all day long on Thanksgiving. it was rather ridiculous. I spent last night laughing at stupid people at Walmart who got into multiple fights and pulling my boyfriends little sister away from the majority of the action.  while we were there, two big fights broke out and an assistant manager was trampled in the crowd.  the manager that got trampled was taken out by ambulance. on top of that, someone else got a knife pulled on them for trying to cut in line for big screen TV. Lovely.

we were out of there by 10:15. I dropped little sis off after we took the bags out of the car. then went out to the town center, where I was 1 of the first 400 people to show up and receive a free movie ticket to CineBistro and a free hot chocolate.  It was rather interesting and I got to meet quite a few people while waiting on the iPad raffle. after 3 a.m. I still had not won, so I packed up and went home and was in bed by 4.

Actual BLACK FRIDAY consists of me sitting on the couch and surfing the internet for the best deal on an iPod touch. Although, I'm thinking that maybe Cyber Monday would be a better bet for that deal...

Unlike Before

I'm finding it rather interesting, trying to figure out a way to complete my homework on time like... a plan.  Yes, that is what I need... a plan.  So, I'm going to copy and paste each discussion post topic into my Google Drive account and then type them as I get the time to do it.  (If I have time to do them all in one day, I'll probably complete them all, sources and everything.)  This will make things so much less difficult to complete.  All I have to do is save them for the day I plan on entering them, then copy and paste into the forums.  Yay!  Plus, my work will be accessible from anywhere, including my Android phone.

Maybe I should start on another topic though... things that I am thinking of today.  Well, one kid is supposed to be down for a nap.  She thinks I think she's down for a nap, but I know she isn't because I can hear her playing in her room on the wood floor and feel the vibrations halfway down the hallway.  The other one was lulled off to sleep on the ottoman by a "rain sounds" album I found on Music Unlimited for the PS3.  He's wrapped up in his super blanket with his binky hanging halfway out of his mouth and snoring.  Shame its only a 30 day trial for MU.  LOL

So, I feel better today.  For the past two days, I had a killer migraine.  I popped regular Tylenol like candy yesterday and finally got so fed up with the pain because I felt like my eyeballs were going to pop out of my skull like one of those squishy toys.  You know, the ones that you squeeze and the eyes go from o_o to O_O ?  LOL.  Well, I took a Naprosyn and Tylenol #3 w/ Codeine last night.  I slept like a baby.  I don't think I've had such a good night's sleep in weeks.  Even got rid of the pain I was having from my wisdom teeth and relaxed me enough to get that knot out of my back.  I wanted to do backflips this morning (well, I would have if I could have.)  I'd probably have another reason to go to the hospital if I attempted one.  HAHA.  I feel like I could leap over a 6 foot fence in one bound right now.  It won't last long.  I'll end up doing something to hurt myself again.  It still didn't take care of the pins and needles feeling in the heel of my foot this morning when I got out of bed, but its always like that.  I feel like I'm becoming a 90 year old woman with all this arthritis in my joints and crap.  Stupid people need to learn to quit driving drunk or high.  That's the problem though, they won't learn, because they're just plain stupid.  You can't fix stupid, the best you can do is laugh at it (if its not at your expense.)  I should research if there is a local MADD chapter in Hampton Roads.  That would be something interesting to get involved in.

I know you're probably thinking "HOW does a 23 year old have ARTHRITIS?"  Let me tell you something though, on a personal note.  I was recently diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.  It is a rare connective tissue disorder that affects several different bodily systems.  Anything from joints, to organs and skin elasticity, and even mental issues.  I think a lot of my mental problem is from the trauma I've experienced in my life, but having EDS doesn't help either.  I'm able to dislocate and subluxate my joints randomly, not on purpose, purely random.  I am also able to bend certain joints backwards.  Let's just say that I've had the problem of dislocating joints for so long that I've figured out my own techniques to effectively relocate them.  Poor healing of scars is another one.  I had a scar on my left arm for 12 years before it even began fading the slightest bit and I've busted open several "healed" scars simply by bumping them on the coffee table.  At one time, I counted more than twenty scars on my body.  I had an exact number about 6 years ago, closer to 30, but I stopped counting when I got hit by a drunk driver.  That accident left me with another 7 scars along with a few more thereafter.  I couldn't count the number of stitches and staples or other medical devices I've had in my body holding it together.  At one point I had two pins in my right elbow.  They were removed after surgery.  I also had a pin in my knee.  That was removed after surgery and replaced with two screws in my knee, a titanium rod, and another screw in my upper femur (for those of you who don't know, the femur is the strongest bone in your body located in your thigh.)  That was the result of a 125+ mph impact of a drunk driver's car back in January of 2008 (he was doing 90+ and I was doing 35.)  If anyone wants to know what runs through a person's head at that point in time, it is "OH SHIT" and a piece of glass.  Yes, my father spent a few hours in the hospital picking small pieces of glass out of my head like a monkey picking lice off another monkey.  Its sickening, thinking back on it.

I feel a lot of anger towards my family, but thinking back on it, I don't know what I would have done without them earlier on in my life.  Even if there was a ton of conflict and still is.  The difference is, I have the right to walk away now, unlike before.

ReTIRED

Here I am, retired to my own little corner of the world... my bar stool seat in the kitchen at the counter corner between the sink and stove.  I like sitting here.  I have a view of the street from the window over the sink and I'm within arms reach of the chocolate chip waffles and... a toaster.  Haha!  That's what's for supper tonight... for me anyways.  I was told today, that I need to take some of my frustrations out in my blogging and start painting more.  I guess you can't really get rid of frustrations all of the time, but at least I was reminded that I can channel them into something creative.  Not many people would think of blogging as ACTUALLY BEING CREATIVE... but it is, it draws the reader a picture of the writer's deepest thoughts.  It draws you into the mind... the soul even... of someone else.

Anyways, I'm exhausted today.  I've had a migraine since last night and it doesn't look like Tylenol is doing anything at all for it this time.  I might have to break out the good pain meds just to get a good night's sleep... if that's ever possible with a 3 year old girl who's got a bad case of the terrible 3's (luckily she's starting to grow out of it) and a 2 1/2 month old who's starting to teethe.  Yeah, my life's a mess right now.  My better half stayed up last night with another case of heartburn and I, the same migraine I still have now.

Let's take that back... I would say I'm exhausted today, because I am, but the problem is that I'm exhausted every day it seems.  I'm exhausted, yet I feel like I sleep all the time, yet I also have insomnia.  I know, it sounds pretty stupid when you think about it.  I'm exhausted because I can't sleep at night here lately and the only comfortable sleep I get is during the day between the kids napping or watching tv, so its a comfortable, yet broken sleep.  Of course, you can't expect a 3 year old to feed herself.  "MAMA! I HONWIE!" she yells.  Then the baby starts crying because she startled him from his sleep.  He's screaming because he needs a diaper change and is hungry too.

I could also say that instead of being exhausted, rather, I'm just plain old damn TIRED.  Is it bad that I just wiped out a family pack of chocolate chip waffles in under a week by myself?

Honestly speaking, I think that what I'm most tired of is my own life.  I mean, I have the same routine every single day and it drives me nuts.  I spend the same days every week trying to get my assignments for class in on time before the deadlines and end up barely making it by a few minutes.  I need a change of routine, but most of all... I think I need a vacation just for me.  Only problem is, I don't know if this house and this family could handle a single night with me away.  The BF already flipped when I talked about taking the kids to NC for a week or two.  He wanted to go with.  Honestly, I was trying to give him a break from all of us and give myself a break from them by having them stay with my grandparent's one or two nights while I went out with some old friends.  My grandparents LOVE spending time with the kids... my BF's parents... well, they have some issues.  I mean, don't get me wrong, they LOVE the kids, but his mother is a babysitter and I'm sure the last thing she wants to do is have the kids on days when she doesn't normally babysit to begin with.  Every once and a while they'll take them on the weekends for a couple of hours.  Its nice.  I got 4 loads of laundry and a load of dishes done the other day.  His parents work, my grandparents are retired and full of energy to explore and do things with the kids.

I want a ME day... is that too much to ask?

Tired

I'm so tired of arguing over who's who or what's what and when something is going to happen or why it hasn't.  I'm so tired of guessing all of the time and wondering what the hell people are actually thinking because nobody ever truly says what they're thinking anymore.  Honestly, they're all just a bunch of posers and retards.  That's what I think.  But I've found myself doing the same thing.  Tired of conflict.  I honestly find that I don't give a rat's ass about the other person unless they are somehow close to me... yet I'm just tired of having things stirred up for no apparent reason whatsoever, other than me opening my mouth and people reacting stupid.  I walked up to my best friend, my sister, in the middle of the mall when she asked why everyone was looking at her strangely and said "because you're acting like a stuckup selfish conceded bitch."  Honestly, I was waiting for her to turn around and knock the shit out of me.  She shrugs and goes "true" I almost fell out in the floor in shock.  I love that girl to death, she's my BFF, my sister for life.  Why can't everyone else just act like that?  Why do people have to flip out over something stupid?  People call me a bitch and I say "yeah, so what?"

I AM THE REAL THING.  I'M HERE.

My counselor asked me what my strengths were the other day.  I mentioned first, being a good mom.  I love my kids.  They're super kids.  My second, was being a good shopper.  I never mentioned anything about how I speak what's on my mind because I'm starting to think that it's not such a good thing anymore.  Although I keep getting told by others that its a good trait to have.  Honesty, that's a good trait.  Similar, but not the same.  Honesty is being frugal, where speaking your mind gets your ass kicked.  You don't tell lies, but you don't tell the whole truth.  Nobody needs to know EVERYTHING is what I keep getting told by certain people.  Whatever.  You know, I honestly don't care anymore what people know or don't know because what they say or do doesn't matter to me.  I'm in a strong and steady relationship with someone I love more than anything in this world, so whatever anyone has to say or do won't matter. 

X's and O-shits

Yes, O-SHITS.  My biggest one being my ex-husband.  My latest one hasn't occurred for quite some time (about 3 years, 2 months).  However, my ex-husband seems to keep haunting me.  Its like he doesn't know what the EX in EX-husband is.  We are divorced, have been separated since Mar 2009 and made it an official divorce in 2010.  Hallelujah!  Now GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE.  No, wait, I took you for child support.  Oh yes, now you think you're entitled to see a child who's mother you abused while she was pregnant.  I have news for you.  I have another child now by another man and I have every right to protect BOTH OF MY CHILDREN, as does my significant other.

I'm so tired of being harassed.  I'm so tired of having him bug me.  I'm glad that he lost my house phone number because I won't make the mistake of giving it to him again.  Maybe he lost our address.  I only have to give him a permanent address, not the one we're actually living at.  I truly hope the son-of-a-bitch ends up driving off the Interstate into a ravine or something.  He annoys the living shit out of me.  I keep getting email after email after email.  Beats the text messages, but right now the man is behind $731.80 in child support, not counting the extra $305 he owes for November.

Even worse is his attitude about it.  "SHE IS MY DAUGHTER" heh, only by blood.  She sure as Hell doesn't know him.  I should teach her how to punch him in the nuts whenever he does happen to show up.  That'll teach him a lesson.  Maybe even keep him from having other illegitimate children.  God only knows how many he has now.

What pisses me off even more than anything is that he acts just like my father did towards my mother in the child support court hearings... making up different excuses for why he couldn't pay a certain amount.  He's working part-time so he doesn't have to pay but so much and has jobs getting paid under-the-table on the side.  I know how he works.  Unfortunately, the court can't do anything about it.  Then he lied in court while under oath, telling the judge that he paid rent to his parents.  This is a lie.  That turd hasn't paid rent to his parents since I moved out, or rather, was kicked out.  He didn't have the papers to prove it, but I didn't have the patience to sit in court for another hour arguing for another $50 or so to be added per month.  Either way, he doesn't pay what is ordered already, so what the fuck does it really matter?

I'm so frustrated with this.  I just want that ignorant fool to fall off the face of the Earth.  I've wished that for a very long time.  He asked me if his girlfriend could come up with them when they came to see my daughter ONE TIME, then every time after he brought the same girl with him.  Nice girl, but isn't that a bit much?  She doesn't have to be there sitting in your lap, hugging and kissing all over you.  Its disgusting.  You remind me of what my father did with his second wife when I was in the hospital with a broken elbow.  They did the same thing right in front of my mother and I.  Sickening.  Made everybody want to barf, especially me.  Quit using my daughter as a reason to try and piss me off or get back at me.

When I get settled into a good paying job and am done with school... THIS SHIT IS OVER FOR GOOD.
I'm doing it the proper way.  I'm getting an attorney, I'm building a list of witnesses, and I'm keeping track of your delinquent child support payments.  Then I'm changing all our phone numbers and her last name.
END OF STORY.