ReTIRED

Here I am, retired to my own little corner of the world... my bar stool seat in the kitchen at the counter corner between the sink and stove.  I like sitting here.  I have a view of the street from the window over the sink and I'm within arms reach of the chocolate chip waffles and... a toaster.  Haha!  That's what's for supper tonight... for me anyways.  I was told today, that I need to take some of my frustrations out in my blogging and start painting more.  I guess you can't really get rid of frustrations all of the time, but at least I was reminded that I can channel them into something creative.  Not many people would think of blogging as ACTUALLY BEING CREATIVE... but it is, it draws the reader a picture of the writer's deepest thoughts.  It draws you into the mind... the soul even... of someone else.

Anyways, I'm exhausted today.  I've had a migraine since last night and it doesn't look like Tylenol is doing anything at all for it this time.  I might have to break out the good pain meds just to get a good night's sleep... if that's ever possible with a 3 year old girl who's got a bad case of the terrible 3's (luckily she's starting to grow out of it) and a 2 1/2 month old who's starting to teethe.  Yeah, my life's a mess right now.  My better half stayed up last night with another case of heartburn and I, the same migraine I still have now.

Let's take that back... I would say I'm exhausted today, because I am, but the problem is that I'm exhausted every day it seems.  I'm exhausted, yet I feel like I sleep all the time, yet I also have insomnia.  I know, it sounds pretty stupid when you think about it.  I'm exhausted because I can't sleep at night here lately and the only comfortable sleep I get is during the day between the kids napping or watching tv, so its a comfortable, yet broken sleep.  Of course, you can't expect a 3 year old to feed herself.  "MAMA! I HONWIE!" she yells.  Then the baby starts crying because she startled him from his sleep.  He's screaming because he needs a diaper change and is hungry too.

I could also say that instead of being exhausted, rather, I'm just plain old damn TIRED.  Is it bad that I just wiped out a family pack of chocolate chip waffles in under a week by myself?

Honestly speaking, I think that what I'm most tired of is my own life.  I mean, I have the same routine every single day and it drives me nuts.  I spend the same days every week trying to get my assignments for class in on time before the deadlines and end up barely making it by a few minutes.  I need a change of routine, but most of all... I think I need a vacation just for me.  Only problem is, I don't know if this house and this family could handle a single night with me away.  The BF already flipped when I talked about taking the kids to NC for a week or two.  He wanted to go with.  Honestly, I was trying to give him a break from all of us and give myself a break from them by having them stay with my grandparent's one or two nights while I went out with some old friends.  My grandparents LOVE spending time with the kids... my BF's parents... well, they have some issues.  I mean, don't get me wrong, they LOVE the kids, but his mother is a babysitter and I'm sure the last thing she wants to do is have the kids on days when she doesn't normally babysit to begin with.  Every once and a while they'll take them on the weekends for a couple of hours.  Its nice.  I got 4 loads of laundry and a load of dishes done the other day.  His parents work, my grandparents are retired and full of energy to explore and do things with the kids.

I want a ME day... is that too much to ask?